In Part 1 of this series, I explained the fears of rejection and engulfment that underlie relationship issues.

In Part 2 of this 5-part series, I provided a streamlined variation of the 6 Step recovery procedure of Inner Bonding:

1. Determination
2. Choose the intent to discover
3. Dialogue with the feelings
4. Discussion with your Higher Power
5. Take loving action
6. Assess the action.

Part 2 explained what it indicates to be in Step One– what it means to be willing to feel your sensations and take obligation for them, instead of rely on protective, controlling habits.

Part 3 explained what it indicates to be in Step Two – choosing the intent to learn – utilizing Joan’s and Justin’s marriage as an example.

Part 4 continues with Joan and Justin, explaining how Joan utilizes Actions 3 and 4 of Inner Bonding to deal with the concerns in her marital relationship.

In Step 3 of Inner Bonding, Joan investigates her beliefs and behavior that is causing her discomfort. From a place within of empathy and interest, Joan dialogues with her sensations of anger, aloneness, fear and bitterness. Picturing that she is a caring parent speaking with a harming child, Joan asks her Inner Child questions:

Loving Grownup Joan: Little Joanie, what am I thinking or doing that is causing you a lot discomfort?

Whenever Justin works a lot, you inform me that he is working because he doesn’t love me anymore – that if he liked me, he would spend more time with me. You simply keep telling me that there must be something wrong with me due to the fact that Justin works a lot.

Now Joan moves into Action 4– Dialoguing with her Greater Power/Higher Self. Joan imagines her individual idea of Spirit– God, Goddess, her own Higher Self, an inner mentor or teacher, or a spiritual guide.

Joan asks her Assistance: What is the reality about the belief that if Justin burns the midnight oil, he does not enjoy me?

Joan relaxes and opens, moving out of her thinking mind and allowing the details to come through her from her Guidance. This Guidance is always here for us and we can access the details when we are open to learning about the fact and about loving action toward ourselves.

It takes some time, but ultimately Joan receives the following info:

Greater Assistance: In some cases Justin burns the midnight oil because he has a great deal of work to do and it has nothing to do with you. Sometimes he burns the midnight oil due to the fact that he hesitates of your blaming and nagging. He likes you, however he doesn’t always feel liked by you, and his method of handling feeling unloved by you is to stay away.

One method we know what holds true and what is a lie is how it makes us feel. When Joan informs herself that Justin doesn’t love her, she feels alone and scared. When she informs herself the above reality, she feels clear and serene.

Joan asks her Guidance: What are the caring actions toward myself? What actions would remain in my greatest great?

Greater Assistance: Rather of focusing on what Justin is doing and how much time he is investing with you, focus on what would be fun for you to do when he is late. You will feel much better when you just take care of yourself instead of making Justin accountable for you.

In the final area of this series, we will see what happens with Joan as she moves through Actions 5 and 6 of Inner Bonding.

In Step 3 of Inner Bonding, Joan examines her beliefs and behavior that is causing her pain. From a location within of compassion and interest, Joan dialogues with her feelings of anger, aloneness, fear and animosity. Thinking of that she is a loving parent speaking with a hurting kid, Joan asks her Inner Child concerns:

Whenever Justin works a lot, you inform me that he is working because he does not love me anymore – that if he loved me, he would invest more time with me. When Joan informs herself that Justin doesn’t like her, she feels alone and scared.