How often are you fully and totally present when you are with your kids? One of the best presents we can give to our kids is to be totally present with them. This can typically be a big challenge.
When my 3 kids were growing up, I worked full time as a counselor, composed books, traveled on book trips, and pursued my enthusiasm as an artist– in addition to spending time with my partner. The only method I could be fully present when I was with my children was to set aside “time alone” with them.
“Time alone” was daily quality time I invested with each of my children, doing whatever they wished to do. Throughout this time I did not address the phone or handle the many problems of running a family. It was time set aside to be totally present with them, not even considering other things.
The message you provide to your children when you do not invest quality time being completely present is that they are trivial.
When responding to the phone, or getting things done, or thinking about what you have to do tomorrow is more vital than being present with your children, they get the message that being with them and really understanding them is not very crucial to you.
When I was maturing, my mother was constantly hectic.
She never had the time to just be with me. She never ever would like to know about my ideas and sensations, or about how things were going at school.
She never ever had the time to play with me or simply socialize with me. While she said that she loved me which I was very important to her, I never ever felt it. Words don’t cut it when the actions don’t follow.
If it is not important to you to just be with your kids– talking with them, playing with them, walking, holding them, listening to them, sharing love with them, gazing at them with love– then they will likely not feel enjoyed by you.
No matter the number of things you buy them, or how frequently you tell them you enjoy them, if they are trivial adequate to you to REALLY be with them, then it is likely they will not feel loved and treasured by you.
Your children need your focused attention, and when they do not get it, they might pull for it in numerous methods. They might chatter on and on, trying to keep your attention.
They might act out by combating with each other, or by not listening to you or entering into resistance regarding chores, research, hygiene, bedtime, and so on. For lots of kids, even negative attention feels better than no attention.
This may create a really unfavorable vicious cycle, because the more they act out, the less you feeling like being with them, but the less you are with them in a caring and mindful way, the more they may act out.
Think about how you feel when someone offers you his/her complete attention. Does not it feel terrific? How typically does someone look you in the eyes and offer you his or her complete attention?
How frequently do you feel really listened to and heard by somebody? Lots of people are so intent on being listened to and heard that they do not listen and hear.
The easy act of being totally present with your children will do more for them than you can envision. I have numerous customers who were deeply impacted by a pal or relative who really listened to them– even if it only occurred occasionally.
You have an opportunity to provide your kids a terrific present– being completely present with them with your love, compassion, empathy, interest, sense of humor, playfulness, and affection. You have the opportunity every day, even if it is just for half an hour, to completely cherish them.
They mature so fast. Don’t miss this chance each day.
How often are you completely and entirely present when you are with your children? One of the greatest presents we can offer to our kids is to be totally present with them.”Time alone” was everyday quality time I invested with each of my children, doing whatever they wanted to do. Throughout this time I did not respond to the phone or deal with the lots of problems of running a family. It was time set aside to be fully present with them, not even thinking about other things.
